What should I do Please help. It is great that they help you out, so that you can finish school, but the situation with your daughter is obviously breaking your heart. you can see that she love him , but when she sees him its another story . He is all for his grandad cause he treats him like his own son (but isnt that my job.) Toddler Milestones. I wake him up with a bottle in the morning and put him to bed with a massage and kisses and rocking at night. Lots of quiet, cuddly games with your little one on your lap. This is the age when separation anxiety and stranger anxiety may come in full force. Things went downhill from there. Dont worry. Paula is right. I was always there for him. There is no need for us to feel bad, they are babies, they know they need us and we know they love us. I am the one who always has to make contact if I want to see her or my grandkids. Ask your employer if something like this is an option. . I used to take pride in what I do as a professional, now I feel sorry for myself that because of my academic pursuits, I am not even a good mother I have to take her back with me in a month to the USA, and its making me nervous about how she will deal with the separation from my parents she screams endlessly especially at night if I try to put her to sleep myself and is inconsolable. Instead, I think this is the way to see the situation: You ask can a baby not like their mom..? i am a working mom. Hes happy all day till grandma gets here (everyday) she comes by and plays with him for 1-2 hours and then I go to get him and he wont even put his arms out to me! So take a deep breath and think about how you can make the daily life with your daughter more fun! Here is a little bit about me and my situation (I am very interested if anyone else can relate to me) I was a bit older when I had my son (33 years old) I had a C-section with complications which meant I couldnt be with my son until 3 hours after his birth. but when my wife is around, Im nobody, she wont come to me, no kisses or hugs, she will scream and cry for mum to hold her, especially if I pick her up. As soon as I pass him to someone else he is quiet immediately. Why does she prefer her father when he can go a whole week without ever seeing her? Now, today is my sons 2nd birthday and Im delighted beyond words that my son is fully bonded with me and I truly feel like a real mother. I have recently returned to work and have put her in a nursery 3 mornings a week in the afternoons on these days she goes to either grandmas and then I collect her on the 3rd day. Or that babies dont do that. A 1 year old will not do anything very differently the next time anyway. When she was 5 months old, daddy came back.the moment she saw my husband at the door was a funny one. Then she totally ignores me and even if I try to play with her she ends up going to my mom. Or maybe you will visit your baby at their child care provider during your lunch break and breastfeed. If we know why this is happening maybe we can change it! i dun get to spent time with her during weekdays..my husband dun understand me wat i am going through . I feel like a failure when it comes to being a mom. Try feeding in a close and cuddled up position. My son is 18 mos old. They fidget a lot or hate getting messy. If Im holding his hand, he lets go to stand at their legs and fuss until he is picked up. and at around 6 months plus, she suddenly change and became so fond of me. My MIL sees him once a week. My Baby Doesnt Want Me and Im The Mom!? as a side note: i think post-partum depression is viewed as a shameful thing. Most times I doubt she even knows that I am her mother. I know I should be thankful that my Mom is there and takes such good care of my daughter but most days I am just resentful. In fact, when Im come home he goes from being a happy baby to a complete mess with temper tantrums and all. I am not working and its just because of her that i am not working. My Mom is the one that takes care of most things around the house while I am working. I am not looking to be judgedthere is no other way around this o have to work to pay my mortguage and bills, is anyone in this situation that could offer advice ? Join her in her happiness when dad come home and let her know that her love of dad is OK. But they arent helping your relationship with your child. Hello- Im the mother who wrote when my son was 9 mos and again at 12 mos. we spend so much time with our babies, i think its natural for them to pick up on our vibe. Take her to a playground or to watch the dogs in a park or whatever she might enjoy. Well, disobeing the court orders she left with the child to another state without any communication or notice of where she was going. Be proud of the fact that you are doing such a good job of making your daughter take you for granted that is exactly what a baby needs; to always know in her heart that mom is there for her no matter what. You, on the other hand, are most likely a very secure person who has always been there for her. Just show you love them and never give up on them. 7) Be patient with yourselfat home and at work. I guess maybe now i feel like maybe he knows that I didnt want him at first because he has always been a little distant with me since he was born. You need to try to get rid of this guilt in your heart! I also have a 5 year old daughter and she is the opposite. You might feel really, really sad about going back to work, but you might also feel really excited. :) :) :). What she calls you means nothing. thank you for writing tips on coping. We have tried EVERYTHING to get this baby to take a bottle. Im very concerned about you. Did you know that recent research suggests that a child that seems to need frequent reprimands, actually often needs the exact opposite? This was very hurtful to me, in fact, I cant even articulate how painful it was. its my first child n i love her lots cos it took long for me to have her . Tonight, he did not want to come to me she had to push him on me! He loves her and often she is so mean that he gets his feelings hurt. Even the same morning, she wanted to be with me and when she woke up from her nap, she did not want me around. I hope you've enjoyed today's post! sometimes I sit and think i should just give her to her father. :**(, Im pretty much going through what the girl with the 7 month old is going through and its my husbands mom too! In the world of occupational therapy, you often hear about the sensory and emotional needs of older kids who are struggling with sensory processing. I am also 6mths pregnant with our third and it is stealing the joy of having another baby. I was the only one there up until 7 months and I had hoped it would be enough to ensure our bond, but once home I realized she had forgotten me and wanted nothing to do with me, she is 2 now and still calls my mom, mom and im mommy but she wants nothing to do with me. It seems like just in the last two months that all of sudden, she doesnt want me anymore. I have been struggling with the same thing for the last two weeks. There are many ways to start bonding with an older baby, like your daughter. will my daughter never love me or be close to me. Your baby will not feel abandoned by you when you return to work. She should be proud to have raised such a loving mom. my daughter is now one year old and our bond has strengthened. But I feel like there are some differences, too. Breast refusal tip #8: Try a different feeding position. I work the whole day so hard for my daughter. I am with him most of anyone. It took effort from all of us to get to where we are now, but forgiving each other and moving on as responsible adults to give our boy a good life, is one of the best things Ive done in my life.). And do things together all of you. He cant be without her for even a minute. Though it is nice to know Im not the only one to suffer from a similar situation, it doesnt solve it. I am prone to mild depression and can be a bit of a hermit sometimes. Paula, do you think its because of the association with bad things?? I thought I was a good mother and doing everything for my son (bathing, feeding, changing, nursed till he was 12 mos). Heartbreaking! If you try to make a young toddler behave properly (i.e. You can read more about baby development at different months here. i try to spend the most of my time with her but maybe its not enough, i wish i knew where i went wrong. Ive been home with her from the beginning. If she reaches for her dad or someone else, let her go without showing your pain. I dont know what to do, It really bothers me that she would rather be with my parents then her mother. Sigh. Offensively taken, it means that im not a good mother!? I feel very bad. staying there in the dark place is whats a shame. If she is with me then she walks a way the moment she hears or sees her grandma. Eventually I had to admit that this was not helping either her or me and quit with breastfeeding, something that hurts me to my core. By preparing during maternity leave, you can feel more empowered in your choice and ensure a smooth transition for you and your baby. Imagine what a huge change has just happened to your daughter, getting a new home, new parents, new environment. 1. People do crazy things in separations. I spent a lot of time crying and have found it hard, but I have loved my son and spent 7 months with him looking after him playing with him feeding him etc. Its the biggest deal imaginable to that baby. Im a single 18 year old mother who still lives at home with my parents and siblings. It is very common for babies to prefer one parent over the other for periods. I know that it is tough to be rejected and that it is really hard to not take it personally, but try to just love her even more when it happens both for your own sake and her! But then I realized that I dont give that to each of my children every day at all. I am searching high and low for a place away from her. I am sure that one day, he will know who his mother is and what she did for him. He no longer cries for his daddy, scrambles over me to get to his daddy, forgets about me once his daddy gets home and is really happy to cuddle/kiss/hug me just as much as his daddy. I love him so much and have never felt so hurt or rejected. I have a beautiful six month old baby girl, who was premature, so she had to stay in the hospital for a little over 2 weeks after she was born. Do I spend too much time with her? You have an excellent opportunity to build a fantastic relationship for the future. In the morning, can you and your daughter get dressed together before you meet the others? If your wife would show photos with you holding your girls and let the songs play at bedtime, for example, it could be a warm way for them to keep you in mind while you are not around. Feed your milk to your baby. The sun will rise tomorrow, and tomorrow is a fresh start. Hi, He gets really upset when Daddy leaves the room. Doesnt really explain the fact hes always preferred her since he was born. Never has. She scratches me especially on the face near my eyes which really hurts she sometimes bites me or cries when i go near her and refuses any toys i might give her also she longer longer enjoys any of the songs i used to sing to her. I am also the sole breadwinner in my family. Please help..I think I am loosing my mind.. So youve done great job. I thought I was doing the best thing for myself and my daughter. The sooner you can move on, stop being angry and try to find ways to co-operate, the better life will be for all of you, and especially for the most important person the baby. Ive been the only person that has been able to put her to sleep or take her anywhere alone aside from her father. i try everything from holding her close to rocking her to talking to her and NOTHING WORKs.i then give her to grandma and she is quite and happy almost immediatly. Or maybe it is related still not your fault. I cant help having my heart broken. If a baby won't take a bottle, and is becoming anxious even at the sight of one, it may help to disguise it in some way. tis always lead me n my husband to quarrel ..i cant slp goes i am really very very deep down crying n dying. But Im glad that there are a few comments from parents with 4 and 5 years old with the same concern. From the day he was born (and Im his birth mother for heavens sake!) Usually at this age, making sure that your child isnt doing anything dangerous (swallowing things, climbing too high, running out in the street, biting himself or other children et cetera) is more or less enough as an ambition. Shes always been an independent and active baby, thoughlikes playing on the floor by herself, doesnt always want held. Paula, please give me some advice! I feel so down. Cafemom wanted a detailed truth about returning to work after having a baby. It started off with biting and scratching and now she is hitting me. Paula, Stay At Home Mom Rejected By Baby The earlier you start looking, the better. Hi sad dad, I feel to so down at the min that Ive been thinking of running away and letting him have the kids while I start again somewhere else, they never want me anyways so doubt they would miss me (my son is now 4). I just read your comment and can really feel your sorrow and frustration and wanted to give you some encouragement. Peek-a-boo. And stop relying on your son showing his affection in any specific ways for you to feel loved and valuable. For a month, try to reduce the disciplining to a minimum (probably less than you think is necessary) and at the same time focus on having great fun with your son for at least 15 minutes per day. the other thing i discovered is that she is often reflecting what my own personal mood is. she would change his clothes without asking me and constantly hold him all day, the past few months all he wants is her he reaches out whenever he sees her or will start crying if i dont give him 2 her. I feel so much for you! I started wrk after 4 mths of her birth . My partner will not discuss anything with me, if anything, he defends my son and will never say anything to make feel better. Since about 3 months old she prefers daddy over mommy but now it is to the point where she tells me I dont love you I love my daddy. She pushes me away and wants nothing to do with me. even though i felt rejected i didnt stop trying to hold her or trying to play with her. Im so happy he still wants to breastfeed though and didnt completely write me off but he just doesnt seem happy to see me like he did his daddy and that hurts so much especially since I cried cause I missed him so much. When he was 4-6 mos, a friend was holding him and he didnt want to come back to me when I asked for him. I just cant get the image of her red angry little face out of my mind. Sadly even then I think this hard-wiring can persist until well into school years, maybe beyond. as soon as she hears my moms voice or her caretaker, she would perk up and try to crawl to them, not wanting me to hold her anymore. Always having a problem with feeding (she doesnt really like milk), she has always preferred to have her bottle with her caretaker (who lives with us). She absolutely refuses and when I asked her pediatrician he basically said tough luck my baby is too smart to take a bottle. First, identify why your baby might be refusing the bottle. I just want to know what I am doing wrong, so I can change it. What more should I do, she doesnt even sleep in her cot cause I want her next to me during the night but still as soon as she wakes up and my mother comes in the room she wants to be with her! A baby or toddler may react by rejecting a parent after going back to work. I try so hard singing songs, playing games etc, but it seems to make no difference. Your girls are now 8 months old. It broke my heart. but Ive become hardened to it. I am really glad to see that I am not the only one with this problem. Your daughter is going through her first life crisis adapting to the new situation. me and my partner were separated for awhile while i gave birth and then 7 months after that could she be missing my parents who are in a other country or is it something else. During the COVID-19 pandemic, the number of women in the workforce fell by 500,000 more than men.And in early 2022, Deloitte reported that 53% of women had higher stress levels than the previous year. Choosing which wars to fight as a parent makes a big difference. I just want to cry and cry. Im so depressed over this. She even goes to our maid servent and she is so happy if she sees her. I was very badly rejected by my own mother when I was a child and so I feel the pain of rejection very easily. It did break my heart. (Do read the tips in the linked article for safe co-sleeping!) Thank you and keep your heads up!! I just got back to my parents and was so relieved to see my son but he acted and is acting uninterested in me but my husband got a huge happy reaction from our baby. Chances are great that things have improved and you might even be able to add back a few of the rules that you let go of, if you still think that they are necessary. That pretty much goes for any situation if he is facing both of us he goes to her. She Fuses at me and doesnt smile at me and fuses and gets mad in the morning instead. His Aunty drops down most weekends and he does not want to know me when she is around. Speak with Your Boss. I have tried to brush the way my son behaves off, and put it down to just being a phase, but it has gone on for so long now. However, he understands that its also for the best as now i can console her when she is sick or having a tummy ache etc without having 2 call daddy via the internet. Consider co-sleeping with her that way she will quickly learn how cozy it is to snuggle with you. Im in need of some help here. Weekends too. Sometimes I just want to give up and let her be. BUT there is arguably nothing more important, more primal, than the relationship of a child to her mother. I even think sometimes grandma secretly enjoys doing this to me. This hurts so much that I cant help but cry. Even if hes holding her and I try to give her a kiss, she turns away and gets upset. Of course we can go the road of power struggles, but it wont help. He says I can go away and wants to stay with daddy. Take heart, dear parents. Im a Dad, I work full time and Im home by 6pm most evenings. Hold your baby skin to skin, and keep your baby close. everyday i am in tears..cant work ..cant sleep..no peace. my son is a very social baby in general he goes to people he met them for the first time and let them hold him and play with him. A few months ago my fiance lost her job and is at home 24/7. Say he only listens to his dad and not me, not sure what to do , he is 7. I have a 3 year old with whom I am going through a very same problem and I am having a really tough time with it. I have an 8-month-old little girl and she does the same thing to me! Read on for tips on how to make it work for you and your baby. If you're going to continue pumping, have a plan in place. Why does he also reject me, I cant bath him, read to him, eat with him, fed him play with him. I feel your pain. It breaks my heart Ive cried many times!! Since attachment can be an issue for adopted children, your question and worries really show what an engaged new mother you are. My 3 year old seems to resent her dad. should i just let her be with whoever she wants to be with? Do I leave my son and my partner so they can be together, or do I stay and let them make me feel worse. When I do leave him he doesnt even notice. He was born September 2 of last year and I was lucky enough to be able to spend all this time with him. So I came online, and read this entire thread. My mom watches her while im at work and shes is more attached to my mom then me. Pump or hand express your milk. I have a 7 month old son and since he was born his grandmother(dads mom) has been obsessed. And sure enough, the moment I made an effort to lift my own spirits he naturally was back to being in my arms again. Not a good feeling. If it is fairly new maximum 1 year or so what is going on is actually a completely natural development stage in your daughters life. What can I do? The most common reason a baby would begin to reject the breast after receiving a bottle is that the bottle was an easier route to take. 1. I seem unable to comfort her, when I hold her she pushes me away violently and will not settle for me at all. I do the same, care, dress, cook, feed, bottle. Quote #4. since the beginnig, when i couldnt handle her or it became overwhelming, i gave her to grandma to help me calm her. From all Ive read, shifting affections in young children is normal as they grow and develop. Please someone help me with this I dont want to hate my mom but more than anything I dont want my son to bond better to her. I am 7 months pregnant again and am terrified that I will cling to this baby in a way to have the bond I dont have with my daughter. Im in the military so its not like I can go and just quit my job (even though I thought hard about it). I have just put my 8 mth old to bed and was going to come into my room and cry I went back to work 3 wks ago and he has been ill on and off this week. It hurts to see my mother be the preferred one when I try just has hard to be noticed! If possible, try to be at home alone with your daughter too. But now my loving daugher has became a real little terror. That is actually a very sensitive age when separation and stranger anxiety set is. She just says well what can i do/say. I am pretty much in the same situation as most of you are, except the only difference is that my inlaws live with me and i work full time so my daughter is with my mother in law 8hrs of the day. I am in love with my son but I am starting to get severely depressed, spent most of today sporadically crying and avoiding contact with him jus to keep him happy I feel like the house is happier when I am not seen or heard and I am so sad I try not to let him see it but I have gone weeks now where he doesnt want to look at me or talk or play with me. I have to admit that I was very impressed by his childcare skills. I strongly recommend you to get it! Whenever my fiance and I pick up my almost 3 year old daughter from her fathers she cries and clings to her father. This can make a toddler feel like mom has been taken away or even rejected. Nursing strikes happen for many reasons. The internet has backed a mom for refusing to look after her son's girlfriend's new baby for 8 hours a day.. Also if I am holding him and she walks by, he struggles to get away from me. Actually often needs the exact opposite the mother who still lives at home alone your... 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